A.G.E's Joint

 Hey, Heidy and Howdy!  It's your old buddy Harry Handy, the randiest DJ on your Internet dial. Yeah, it's been a while since I've been on. You see, I've transitioned. Where I was a free spirited human, I'm now... That's right, folks. The good ol' Grim Reaper came in the form of a sexy vampire and slipped her teeth in and I was transferred to the media department of Devil's Quill Communications. So, how does an Internet Sensation like myself handle the post All Souls blues? With fire, of course.  My new gig isn't too bad and Mr. Beezlebub seems to like my playlists. I mean, what can he do if I mess up like I did topside? What's that? Oh. One more earworm before I sign off. Don't look for the stop button. There isn't one. 

Hey, Heidy and Howdy!. It's your ol' buddy, Harry live on good ol' WOFT. The marketing weasels have been crunching the latest Nielsen numbers and they saidgolden oldies aren't cutting it anymore. That's right! Fewer and fewer of you Geritol kids have it in you to keep up, or worse have joined me here in the wind. Well, as public service (and a craven attempt to keep my job), I have taken it upon myself to give you, my listeners, the strength to carry on. Hey! Isn't that a song lyric? I read somewhere that laughter is the best medicine, so tonight's show is all COMEDY! We'll start with Happy Hour. Now where I'm from the Killjoys in the State Revenue department no longer allow for drink specials, but I am aware of a few places you can pong for your beer... By the time you've played a round or three, you get really happy. So happy, you don't care what silliness is on TV. But some jerk decides cartoon Wrasslin' ain't real s...

Hey, Heidy and Howdy, Ladies and Gents. Good Ol' Harry here and tonight's show on the Fart is special. We're calling it "Talking to the Moon." Or, howling might be more accurate. Midnight is we think of love and loss, and the best type of music for the theme is Tears in Your Beer country. Yep, all those Grand Ol' Opry stars talking about lost loves. Speaking of lost loves, my competition and colleague, Delilah, is having a rough time in her life. She lost a child recently and has been bereft (don'tcha love that word) about playing her sappy love songs. So the first dedication of the night is to her. Here's hoping she's.. When the full moon is out there, if we have a partner, we think about dancing with them. If we have lost a partner, we want one. Either way we know something is there following us. And as we wander, the sadness of the missing grows. Even when we are home, the sense of loneliness grows. And the wo...

"Hey, Heidy and Howdy. It's Harry Handy, your randy dandy late night DJ here on WOFT, old fart's radio, 101.1 on your internet dial. A big shout out to tonight's sponsor, the domestic litigation firm of Slappey and Sadd. If he gets slappy, we'll make him sad...and on that note, more sappy holday tunes..." I clicked off the radio. Can't Christmas be over already? Every song played is super fast tempo, even "Jingle Bells." Like the stores want you to move faster, buy faster and think less. Yeah. Think less sounds about right. The older I grow, the wiser Ebeneezer sounds. Shoot, even Santa's downsized to one Reindeer and he's an undocumented Caribou chased out by the oil fields. How long have I been staring at this screen? 1:45 AM? Facebook is such a time suck. I never did get to those searches on Turtle Boy. But it was fun to find the ex's page. Looks pretty much like I expected her to, kind of pudgy and sad. Just as paranoid as...

Hey, Heidy and Howdy! Harry Handy, is back on the air! So, how are you, Geritol Generation? Get that iron up, cause we're going to get down here at The Fart. I'm channeling Don Cornelius this week and giving proper respect to those artists rocking our world. That's right we are discovering the soul of SOUL. Put the daisy chains and hibiscus in your hair (the purple offsets the gray wonderfully), and enjoy the ride. I can say without a doubt, if it hadn't been for that music, I'd never be on the radio. Most kids my age listened to the ball games. I listened to the likes of Alley Pat and Night Train Lane. And the music they played! I got caught with the earphone through my shirt because I kept dancing in my seat. And I watch Soul Train over American Bandstand because Don was cool and Dick was not. Since I could play or sing, I played the ones who could and the rest is history. You can't start a show like this without going to the deepest roots of the musi...

Hey, Heidy and Howdy! It's your old buddy, Harry Handy floating along the Geritol trail. Over the years, people have asked me: "Harry! Is you life only moldy and oldie?" No, not really. I do wander what they refer to as "Socialist Media" from time to time to get ideas for good ol' WOFT. Let me guide you oldsters in some of things available. Trolling along one day, I found a second generation Hippy couple walking the talk about being off the grid and out of the MAN'S grasp: The wife, Esther is the daughter of Carla Emery who was one of the ultimate Hippy Chicks. She's got some interesting things to say And then there is this youngster living the ultimate "Year Off Dream" And when you select any of those, the YouTube algorithm sends you down the rabbit hole of crazier and crazier stuff. Yep, clear out before the bombs come...Where have I heard that before? A good reminder that no matter how the kaleidoscope changes,...

Hey, heidy and howdy. It's your old moldy oldies maven Harry Handy back on the air here at WOFT. Old Farts radio for all you old teenagers. It's a pretty Sunday morning here in radio land, but all of the media keeps talking about this Climate Change stuff. We need to limit plastic! Stop burning fossil fuels! It's all going be black rain because we keep using up the earth. It's funny all these people that keep talking about this look like the hippies were were back in the 1960's. Maybe Jimmy Buffett was right.. If so, then Willie Nelson was on to something, especially if we look at our Presidential choices. Or maybe Johnny Cash Or even Gregg Allman In the end, we will need Jerry Lee Lewis said what's going to happen to us in the end. Not a pretty sight. Makes me glad I am in my Geritol years and may not have to watch it all come down in flames.  But that also means, I won't see it rise again like the Phoenix the Earth truly is. A...

Hey, Heidy and Howdy. I'm back for another round of randy dandy DJ's silliness here on WOFT, Old Fart's Radio. My name is Harry Handy (as if you didn't know that), twisting tongues and pleasing girls...at least until my ex-wife found out. This is sort of how I became a rambling man . Yes, ladies and gents, I was that guy Harry Chapin talked about in his song, trolling the clubs after hours, trying to play kickball with the girls. (And there are no ugly girls) I'd wouldn't let them kick my balls, though. Well, the ex found out and kicked them anyway. During all this, I found out I was quite illiterate. But I read a lot of legal mumbo jumbo. Things about child support and cost of the court. Oh, I'll admit Ol' Harry deserved his spanking, but he wished it was in any room but a courtroom. I would have been such a good boy....(A walk!. I wanna go for a walk!) When it was all over, I needed extra bread to cover her place AND mine. A friend of...

Hey, Heidy and Howdy. It's Harry Handy again, here at WOFT, Old Farts Radio. 109.1 on your FM dial. And how are you lovely Geritol Gents this find spring afternoon?  Me? I'm just happy to be on the right side of the ground and spinning only the finest in golden notes. But to prove to you I am not just a dusty old fart, I have a special item for you.  It is funny how some things will come up. I was listening to this video by Lakestreet Dive, a delightful group of young folks out of Brooklyn. You can observe a lot just by watching. And it occurred to me that this group is the reincarnation of the old Scooby Doo (without the dog). The group: Consists of: Rachael Price as Daphne Bridget McKerney as Velma Mike Olson as Fred Mike Calabrese as Shaggy. Which, if you know a little history about the cartoon, kind of makes sense. The original concept for the show was a traveling band solving mysteries in a painted van. Now, I don't know if the band has a p...

Hey, Heidy and Howdy. I'm back. Harry Handy, the randy, dandy, didlio DJ of your dreams. And this is WOFT, Old Farts Radio on the air! Moldy golden oldies for the Geritol Generation,spinning the memories of our misspent youth. 2016. Can you believe we've made that long? When we were kids, we said "Don't Trust Anyone Over 30!" Now, we survivors are more than double that. Anyway, it has been a tough year for us old farts, with a lot of our more well known smells having the bells tolled for them. David Bowie...Glenn Frey...Prince...And the rest of our heroes look like this: Yeah, we are all a bunch of old, decrepit hippies at heart, syncing our pacemakers and eating our bran based granola to a little more out of life. (For the record, That is Mr. Wavy Gravy, seated on the left, Dr. John Hook in the middle and Mr. Arlo Guthrie on the right. All right and true messenger of the cause. Picture (c) 2016 Arlo Guthrie ). But somehow, Paul McCartney and Mick Jagger k...

Hey, Heidy and Howdy! It's your favorite randy dandy DJ Harry here with a brand new program. You see, the Suits that run Old Farts are a little worried. You folks, our demographic not only are bargain hunters, but are dying out in alarming numbers. So, to perk you up and get the Geritol Generation back on their feet, tonight it will be all classic commercials. After all, you deserve a break... To have it your way You know where the beef is. And who will buy you a drink So give a wink And enjoy the rest of your day.

Hey, Heidy and Howdy! It's your old pal, Harry Handy, the randy dandy DJ  here on WOFT, Old Farts Radio, the jumping jukebox for the Geritol generations. We used to say "Don't trust anybody over 30." Now , it's "Everyone is half my age!" I've been off the air for a while. Got involved a little legal kerfuffle with my second ex concerning running with scissors. It sounded something like this... Yeah. pretty bad and a sharp object lesson for sure. And now a word from our sponsor. Yes, that is Betty White when she was young and sexy. Now, she's old and...old And so are we. Remember when our theme song was: Especially after finally hitting the home run? She insisted on cuddling and watching the stars when all you wanted to do was get something to eat. Well, we know how that went. But you have to say she turned out to be the spitting image of her mother. And now your daughter is fighting that same breeze from down under h...

Hey, Heidy and Howdy. It is ME! Harry Handy, your handy dandy old time DJ here on WOFT.  Always here for you Geritol Guys and Miralax Gals.  And being of Geritol age, we ask "What, Nephew, is that wind at the door".  I am, of course, talking about that legend of legends, Mr. Casey Kasem, who found the stars finally this week.  I can hear you ladies say "Please say it isn't so." But like all of us, his contract here on earth was cancelled. Like most of us vinyl pushers, I looked at Casey as a role model. Someone to structure my schtick by.  Here is a good example of the man in action: No sloth in that man. Every week, his pride and lust for popular music shown in his voice and demeanor.  Tightly structured, the show moved from song to song effortlessly.  There were always rumors he was on Capitol or Columbia's payroll. But his audience never paid that any mind. He was also a well known voice over artist. Everyone knows his most famous char...

No story this week. No poem. Maybe a rant from an aging fool. Aristotle is quoted as saying "Happiness depends on ourselves." What did he know, he deliberately poisoned himself to avoid treason charges. When we were young, we were told all things were possible and then warned there would be consequences if the actually tried that. And as we grew older, we found out our elders were right. And we grow more risk adverse as more and more information comes in, all of in the form of cautionary tales of what can go wrong. But, some of us push through the fear.  Bernie Marcus started as a Pharmacist and found out he liked the front of the store more than behind the drug counter. He pushed on and learned all he could about retailing.  Along the way, he met a thin accountant named Arthur Blank in Los Angeles. Together, they became a threat to their boss and got fired. They pushed through the fear of financial ruin and moved 2400 miles away to open a new Hardware concept...

Hey, Heidy and Howdy!   It’s your randy, dandy old time D.J. Harry Handy.   I'm looking at all you lovely GILF's populating my dreams. Today’s program is truly special for my geriatric group. I know you’ve been keeping with the Miley Cyrus thing?   Actually, I haven’t.   But whole affair centers around her cavorting nekkid across stages with various props and actors.   Kind of like this. Actually, the subject is the lack of respect we old people get from the youngsters out in the world.   They say we are out of touch and irrelevant.   WHERE have we heard those words before?   Why out of our own mouths when we were that age and younger.   And we were LOUD!! And we said the very same things to our parents and grandparents.   Don’t trust anyone over 30.   Give peace a chance! War is wrong! Well that still is the case, but I digress.   Respect for yourself and others has taken a nosedive in this in...

Hey, Heidy, and Howdy.   It’s me.   Harry Handy, your randy, dandy online DJ back again here at WOFT.   That’s right Old Farts radio, where the only thing older is Abe Vigoda.    And guess what, gang?   It’s Senior Citizen day here at the Fart.   We give you a 10% discount for listening and everyone on the play list is a certifiable Medicare recipient. It’s hard to believe all the great musicians of the 1960’s are now late night infomercial fodder, but they are.   Whether you are on the throne struggling with that Ducolax dose, or in the garden with the petunias, sit back and enjoy the show. Wait, I understand we have a special request from fellow Oldies DJ Myke.   Seems he can’t remember what he played last.   Maybe my list will help him through his moment.     First up is the ultimate Rock and Roll senior.   He’s changed the game two or three times in his career and still puts on quite a stage show ...