Monday, September 5, 2016

Harry's Talented Tongue (Blogophilia 28.9)

Hey, Heidy and Howdy. I'm back for another round of randy dandy DJ's silliness here on WOFT, Old Fart's Radio. My name is Harry Handy (as if you didn't know that), twisting tongues and pleasing girls...at least until my ex-wife found out. This is sort of how I became a rambling man.

Yes, ladies and gents, I was that guy Harry Chapin talked about in his song, trolling the clubs after hours, trying to play kickball with the girls. (And there are no ugly girls)



I'd wouldn't let them kick my balls, though. Well, the ex found out and kicked them anyway.


During all this, I found out I was quite illiterate. But I read a lot of legal mumbo jumbo. Things about child support and cost of the court. Oh, I'll admit Ol' Harry deserved his spanking, but he wished it was in any room but a courtroom. I would have been such a good boy....(A walk!. I wanna go for a walk!)

When it was all over, I needed extra bread to cover her place AND mine. A friend of mine over at Channel 69 said I needed to go to a new direction. He said I should put my talented tongue voicing over their late night movie offerings.


I didn't last too long there,something about recreating a scene on the producer's desk with a receptionist. Scratched her off the list. But karma went the other way, this time. The station got bought out by some church and now only plays Osteen and Myers tapes.I still get a chuckle over that.

Another buddy hooked me up to the next gig out in the boonies. Top 40 with the playlists already set. The "music" sucked, but I didn't care. All I had to do was punch buttons, drink coffee and ad-lib now and then. And it was afternoon drive time to boot. Asleep, hungover...it didn't matter, I could do that show dead.

One day, a process server came in with another update to the Ex's "agreement". It sounded like:




The Program Director caught wind of the summons and killed the contract. Something about a morals clause, not that that has ever stopped me.By that time, a wonderful thing called Clear Channel had come about and they black balled me.

So, now here I am, a fat, balding old fart, floating disembodied here on the internet using a set of fake call letters for an audience mainstream radio left behind. Keep drinking that Geritol, ladies. I'm available for Bar Mitzvah's and Divorce parties.



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Topic-Jay Sole

Pic-Dahlia Ramone

Pic guesses: Off the list (in blog), another one bites the dust, Get in line, bad decisions, Another notch, rambling man (in blog), bad, ex (in blog),

22 comments:

  1. That alimony will kill you everytime.
    Stormy

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  2. Ahaha! This, by far, has to be your most humorous post! 8 points, Earthling!! :)

    Martien Ecrits :)

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    1. Always my pleasure. Thank you for the points.

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  3. Some people claim....
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGNpjDmiHvc

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  4. The way you use your prose is just amazing! Loved this, and I'm sure it's a true story in many a male's life. Lol! Thanks for the laugh.

    Leta :)

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    1. Thank you for stopping by. Harry is one of my favorite characters.

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  5. Oh Harry..what a tale and very well spun!! ~Christine W.

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  6. I still think there is another comeback in those bones, or maybe two. One of these days, the all night deejay will re-emerge, and that might well be you. Good luck with that.

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  7. I'd like to think so. I mean, if Stephen Lee can make money on voice overs, why shouldn't I?

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  8. I wish I'd know sooner, a divorce party sounds like another one of those things I somehow missed. Very funny and caustic

    Sam

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    Replies
    1. It's supposed to let the steam out. Ol' Harry is happy to help.

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  9. I just love your Harry blogs! And I do believe you would make an amazing DJ or voiceover artist! :) Loved this...

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  10. Always so wonderfully creative. I love it!

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  11. I chuckled through the whole reading and yet I realize how true this could actually be!

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    Replies
    1. Most of the radio talent I know has been through many relationships. It's kind of a job hazard.

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