Monday, January 29, 2018

The Beezlebub Awards.

On behalf of all of us here at Devils Quill, we want to congratulate the winners of the 2018 Beezlebub awards. Named after me, they exemplify the depths of misery corporations go to on our behalf. Without further ado...

The Beezlebubs


Lucifer J. Beezlebub

Fake News (Blogophilia 48.10)

This deal just won’t quit. I wasn’t planning on freelancing just yet, but I can’t resist. And anytime I can get scoop over Todd, it’s worth it.
Slipping around the side of the broadcast van to keep the rug from flying off my head, I reach for the beer. Crap. Left it on the bar. Maybe I can signal the mail man from behind this tree here in the middle of the garden. Hmm, looks like they are still talking. She is a cute kitty. Wait a minute, that looks more like play time. Beasley single, right? Probably thinks it’s overtime pay.
Why couldn’t I have been in the money like that with Bo Peep? I could have had one of those wayward lambs. They’re brighter than the bubble headed bleach blondes I work with at the station. Oh, wait. I’m not employed there anymore.
That’s probably for the best right now. How Beasley loses his innocence isn’t my business and I don’t have time to wait.
I hear a commotion on the other side of the van.
Coming back around the corner, I see Grimes threatening Blue Dude with his baton, trying to get the flight info on the spaceship. He’s watched too many movies. Sugar attracts ants, not vinegar. Not even thinking, I take the stick and toss it over to Trevor, while Dave retreated inside the broadcast van.
“Hold your horses, Chief. You’re not going to get info from a smashed mouth.”
Grimes looked under his fedora like he wanted to kill me.
“This is your fault. If you hadn’t been meddling...”
“Chief, I’m not Fred, I don’t have a cute girl, and I hate dogs. I don’t even have a crazy van. You know that.” I put a hand on his slumping shoulder. The grizzled old cop looked like he had aged a hundred years. “But I have to admit, I never knew when I am doing something, it was affecting someone else.”
I left him and went over to Todd.
“Do you get the feeling this is all fake news?”
Rubbing his stubble, he replied:
“I’ve seen a lot of stuff over the years, but this story has a life of it’s own. Oh, sorry about you getting fired. I’ve got a couple those stories in my background.”
Do tell....

Friday, January 26, 2018

Monday, January 15, 2018

I Wasn't Cut Out For This (Blogophilia 47.10)

Well, that escalated quickly.
{Opens another beer}
After all that work, I’m out of a job.
Who knew that crazy Psychic knew my boss? I thought a video of fools dancing like no one was watching would bring ratings. Everybody loves fools, right? But, noooo.... It seems turning on the cameras without their consent was against State Law. It isn’t fair. Sister Joleene gets to run her scam and I get left out in the cold. Maybe I’ll call that law firm Harry Handy shills for, what was their name? Slappey and Sadd? See if there is a First Amendment thing, or maybe age discrimination.
Anyway, I won’t have to hear the Pointy Hair Boss the station called a Producer shatter me in front of the staff anymore. He wouldn’t know a good story if hit him in the face.
Think of the money saved on Rogaine and Just for Men. I can work from home writing PR copy. That’s what most of the news is anyway. I’ll be able to buy drinks for my friends at the bar anytime I want and not have to chase crazy people and oddball leads.
I’ll just pull up the laptop and enjoy some stupid cat videos. Better than looking at the plastic bimbos.
Hmm... Another Email from Turtle Boy. He seems to be healthy, which is a lot better than when I left him. I guess he didn’t hear the news. Well, what do you know, he’s with Bo Peep and her Sheep. They have settled at Old McDonald’s place and have established a home for wayward lambs. Here’s a link..{click}....Oh, myyyyy...{click}
Well, that’s enough internet for today.
I wonder if the news is on...
Topic (Dance like no one is watching)-Tyler Myrth
Pic Guesses- Cat People, Watching the world go by, Mates, Purrfection, Matching outfits, long cool woman

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Too Old (Blogophilia 46.10)

I’m getting too old for this.
In the last couple of days, I’ve dealt with a just silly guy who thinks he is a turtle, a woman with a sheep gimp and a bunch of disappearing cops. Only think missing is a partridge in a pear tree.
So, who...or behind all this madness?
To find out, I return to the Psychic’s shack. I’m met at the door by Larry, his brother Darryl and his other brother Darryl yelling they found the solution. Channeling my inner Moe, I smacked them with a lamp. I had to laugh as their heads rattled together. But it was effective. The noise slowed down enough to where I could understand what they were saying.
They had a brainstorming session after I left, while Joleene fed them tea. First thing they did was list out the sequence of events and a pattern arose. Trevor remembered something about a movie from long ago. Close Something or other. He showed me an image of a large rock that looked vaguely familiar. Jay piped up it also had a five tone call from from something like a space ship. If this was true, maybe the tone could be played backward and everything would reverse.
Oh, like when you play a country song backwards, you get your truck back, your woman back and you sober up? This was sillier than Turtle Boy. This was standing in deep water and bailing yourself out with a straw.
My head was spinning. All I could do was sit down and drink a cup of tea.
The tea? Uh oh...
Topic (Long Ago)-Stephen Lee Jackson
Pic guesses-Space Ship (in blog), Titanic, Around the world in 80 days, Airship, Love in the air, Balloon, Romeo takes Juliet,

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Bo Peep (Blogophilia 45.10)

Looking up from the mike, it seemed half the crowd had vamoosed out the back. The joke was on them. The cops were at the Topless place across the street. As the last chords of the song chop-chopped away, a pudgy petite girl in a peppermint teddy was being escorted out the fine establishment by security. The back was towards me, but I could tell by the bobbing cotton candy hair Candy Cane was mad about something. A bald dude trying to stop his nose from bleeding followed. Poor sap. Didn’t anyone teach the boy about touching dancers?
Looking around, it appeared Turtle Boy had also ebbed out with the tide. Probably a good idea. I was about do the same when a soft voice called out.
“Going somewhere, Chrissy?”
Blood ran to my face and really bad memories filled my head. It had been many years since my Mother had called me that. I turned to see Patchouli girl and Fleece Collar were standing next between me and the exit. They looked very different. She was now in a blue pinafore dress holding a walking staff.The short guy’s jacket was gone, showing the fleece came all the way down to his waist. He was holding a large silver gun in a clip attached to what looked like a black hoof. My hands lifted on their own accord. Patchouli did the talking.
“It occurs to me we never were introduced. My name is Bo...Bo Peep. And this is my Sheep, Dolly. We are adding to our flock”
Hooking the staff around my neck, she pulled me close. “Don’t bother looking for your weird friend. We’ve already taken care of him.”
I looked over her shoulder at the commotion across the street. Pink Girl was being loaded into a cruiser. Refocusing on her eyes, I replied:
“I wasn’t planning to. He was more trouble than he was worth.” I paused a moment. “So, what is this about?”
Bo smiled and shook her blond locks.
“We understand you are also looking for some lost sheep?”
“Actually... OOOWWWW!!”
My ears rang from the slap. Dolly pulled me up to his nose. I almost gagged from smell of lanolin and manure. In a jackhammer voice, he said.
“What do you think this is, a game of Candy Crush?” The hammer was clicked for emphasis. “Listen and listen good. You go back to Sister Joleene and figure out where Flopsie went. She sheared us a while back and we want our pound of wool. Got it?”
Eyes wide, I nodded.
Realizing he was finished, he pushed me over the edge of the stage. Face down, I stayed still as hooves and heels clattered along the scarred wooden floor. The front door opened and closed with a slam. When I looked up, they were gone. Walking unafraid, I headed toward the front door. I never like to leave things unfinished. Yeah. I’m going back to the crazy psychic. There has to be an answer.
I made a resolution, though, to never to follow a turtle into a bar again.
Pic Guesses: Peppermint (in blog), Candy Crush (in blog), Candy Cane (in blog), Cotton Candy (in blog), Holiday sweets, sugar lips, sprite,