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Showing posts from January, 2018

The Beezlebub Awards.

On behalf of all of us here at Devils Quill, we want to congratulate the winners of the 2018 Beezlebub awards. Named after me, they exemplify the depths of misery corporations go to on our behalf. Without further ado...

The Beezlebubs

Sincerely

Lucifer J. Beezlebub

Fake News (Blogophilia 48.10)

This deal just won’t quit. I wasn’t planning on freelancing just yet, but I can’t resist. And anytime I can get scoop over Todd, it’s worth it. Slipping around the side of the broadcast van to keep the rug from flying off my head, I reach for the beer. Crap. Left it on the bar. Maybe I can signal the mail man from behind this tree here in the middle of the garden. Hmm, looks like they are still talking. She is a cute kitty. Wait a minute, that looks more like play time. Beasley single, right? Probably thinks it’s overtime pay. Why couldn’t I have been in the money like that with Bo Peep? I could have had one of those wayward lambs. They’re brighter than the bubble headed bleach blondes I work with at the station. Oh, wait. I’m not employed there anymore. That’s probably for the best right now. How Beasley loses his innocence isn’t my business and I don’t have time to wait. I hear a commotion on the other side of the van. Coming back around the corner, I see Grimes threatening B…

More Turtle Silliness

Just a shout out to the Terrible Turtle Conspiracy. Welcome our new soft shelled overlords.

Terrible Turtle Conspiracy

I Wasn't Cut Out For This (Blogophilia 47.10)

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Well, that escalated quickly. {Opens another beer} After all that work, I’m out of a job. Who knew that crazy Psychic knew my boss? I thought a video of fools dancing like no one was watching would bring ratings. Everybody loves fools, right? But, noooo.... It seems turning on the cameras without their consent was against State Law. It isn’t fair. Sister Joleene gets to run her scam and I get left out in the cold. Maybe I’ll call that law firm Harry Handy shills for, what was their name? Slappey and Sadd? See if there is a First Amendment thing, or maybe age discrimination. Anyway, I won’t have to hear the Pointy Hair Boss the station called a Producer shatter me in front of the staff anymore. He wouldn’t know a good story if hit him in the face. Think of the money saved on Rogaine and Just for Men. I can work from home writing PR copy. That’s what most of the news is anyway. I’ll be able to buy drinks for my friends at the bar anytime I want and not have to chase crazy people an…

Too Old (Blogophilia 46.10)

I’m getting too old for this. In the last couple of days, I’ve dealt with a just silly guy who thinks he is a turtle, a woman with a sheep gimp and a bunch of disappearing cops. Only think missing is a partridge in a pear tree. So, who...or what...is behind all this madness? To find out, I return to the Psychic’s shack. I’m met at the door by Larry, his brother Darryl and his other brother Darryl yelling they found the solution. Channeling my inner Moe, I smacked them with a lamp. I had to laugh as their heads rattled together. But it was effective. The noise slowed down enough to where I could understand what they were saying. They had a brainstorming session after I left, while Joleene fed them tea. First thing they did was list out the sequence of events and a pattern arose. Trevor remembered something about a movie from long ago. Close Something or other. He showed me an image of a large rock that looked vaguely familiar. Jay piped up it also had a five tone call from from …

Diversion

Just a nice diversion for your day.

Vext

Bo Peep (Blogophilia 45.10)

Looking up from the mike, it seemed half the crowd had vamoosed out the back. The joke was on them. The cops were at the Topless place across the street. As the last chords of the song chop-chopped away, a pudgy petite girl in a peppermint teddy was being escorted out the fine establishment by security. The back was towards me, but I could tell by the bobbing cotton candy hair Candy Cane was mad about something. A bald dude trying to stop his nose from bleeding followed. Poor sap. Didn’t anyone teach the boy about touching dancers? Looking around, it appeared Turtle Boy had also ebbed out with the tide. Probably a good idea. I was about do the same when a soft voice called out. “Going somewhere, Chrissy?” Blood ran to my face and really bad memories filled my head. It had been many years since my Mother had called me that. I turned to see Patchouli girl and Fleece Collar were standing next between me and the exit. They looked very different. She was now in a blue pinafore dress holding …