Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Angel Protection Service



In a top floor office in a faceless suburban office park…

Rrrrinnggg

“It’s a beautiful day here at Angel Protection.  My name is Michael, how may we be of service?  Your husband is doing what?  Looking at another woman?  Let me pull up the records. Yes, I see that.  It appears to be his Assistant.  She is a nice girl, but a little na├»ve.   Reviewing, it does not appear anything has transpired yet. Yes, we have several services that may work.  What’s that?  Ma’am , I think a lit taper up the butt to be a bit harsh.  Yes, Ma’am, We understand jealousy here, but we always try to provide the best service for all parties involved.  Looking on the map, it appears you are in winter there?  We have our patented “Angel in the Snow” that will strand his car half way to her house.  Well, Ma’am, his confession would be up to him.  Would you like me to order that for you?  Done.  Thank you for your call; it has been our pleasure to serve you.”

Rrrrinnggg

“It’s a beautiful day here at Angel Protection.  My name is Gabriel.  How may we be of assistance?   Your child is drinking and smoking?  Let me access the file….Yes, I do see her with her friends.  It looks like they are passing a brown paper bag and listening to “Mad Man Across the Water”.  Oh, hold it.  A bong is being passed like a chalice.  No Ma’am, we really don’t pass judgment here.  That is handled in Soul Receiving. Yes, Ma’am.  We have a service that would work.  We send down Guardian agents to draw the wayward back toward the straight and narrow.  The agent we have in mind seems to have great luck in saying “What’s your sign” to get them talking.  And you would like to have this started now?  Oh, on Friday after school.  Yes, Ma’am.  You order has been placed for Friday.  Thank you for depending on Angel Protection.

Rrrrinnggg

“It’s a beautiful day here at Angel Protection.  My name is Raphael.  How may we help today?  Yes, Sir. Let me access the records.  Oh, my.  It has been a long road for all of you.  I’m so sorry for your travails. I can tell you that the end is coming for this phase soon.  Excuse me?  Normally, telling the future is not done, but our rules are made to be broken.  Yes, Sir, the pain will soon abate.  Yes, Sir, there will be a time of emptiness, but please don’t despair.  It is a time of healing and that does have a bit of its own pain.  But we promise you, Sir, you will indeed see both her and happiness again.  Just leave everything to us.   Excuse me, Sir?  I’m not sure if we have any openings.  Frankly, Sir, you will have to wait until the end of your own road to apply.  You order has been placed and that you for putting your trust in us.”
Rrrrinnggg
“It is a beautiful day here at Angel Protection.  My name is Uriel.  How may we be of assistance?  Oh!  Mr. G!  I did not recognize the number.  Yes, Sir!  You have a big project and need all of us in the main office?  Right away, Sir.  Just let me put on the auto menu.”

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