Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Rainbows (GBE 72, 1st and 3rd POV exercise)



Ow.  That sun is bright.  Where are those sunglasses?  I reach into my pocket to get them and I feel the ring.    The song is true.  You don’t know what you’ve got until it is gone.  And I came damned close.  The embolism wasn’t my fault.  But I can’t waste any more time.  I wonder what Bubbe would say? 

“Hi, Jerry.  You ready to see some art?”  Martha startled me out of my reverie.   She’s wearing the daisy sundress and a pair of clogs.  Heh.  She looks like a river of yellow.  Looks good against the rainbows coming off the street.    

“Sure, Babe.  Let’s go.” The hand slips into mine.

It is warmer than I have ever felt.  This is the beginning of a new life for me.
                                                                                                                                    





Stepping out of the hotel and into the sun, Jerry puts on the sunglasses.  The shower had ended and the water reflected off River Street.  It had been a long couple of months.  Being frozen in his office when the call came, he didn’t know what to think.  He realized many years had gone by with Martha by his side.  And almost without warning, she died and came back.  The slow rehab and this trip was part of it.  But it was more.  It was time for the commitment to be made real.

 “Hi, Jerry.  You ready to see some art?”  She came out wearing the sundress she’d bought yesterday.   She was river of daisies and garden to his mind.

“Sure, Babe.  Let’s go.  

Hand in hand, they walked down the cobblestones to the first booth.  




Here is the link to the original story.  The Sermon

9 comments:

  1. Nicely done, sir! I preferred the first person version, I was silently sitting on the sidewalk listening to his thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like doing Jerry in first person. He's such a self absorbed guy that it takes a medical emergency to look anywhere else.

      Delete

  2. Interesting piece. I like the river of yellow, river of daisies, the sense of happiness and relief.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I am going to edit and repost the original series of Jerry (and his butler)stories over the next few weeks. It is a fun set of characters.

      Delete
  3. I love the visuals in the first piece.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's always interesting to do a story in first and in third pov. First is more intimate. Many people don't like first, not quite sure why. I generally prefer it. I liked both versions, each with its own feel

    ReplyDelete
  5. just lovely. Im watching Doc Martin; series on Netflix...this kinda reminds me of a piece i just saw. Well done

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is an interesting prompt. I've been writing everything in first person, but I find myself liking yours and most other people's third person stories better than first. I've decided to write my new WIP in the third person.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it is because first person requires more work for the reader. You have to keep up with what aren't always logical trains. Whereas with third person, you can go with the flow.

      Delete