A.G.E's Joint

  In the call center outside Dallas TX... Rrring! Good Day to you and thank you for calling Devil's Quill, Gluttony Central. My name is Big Bertha. How may I help you? You want to gift your skinny sister a new body? Are you sure you don't want the Petty Jealousy division? You say she force fed you stuffing and cranberry sauce and kept all the pumpkin pie for herself? Let me patch in a couple of people. Hold, Please. Rring... "Wrath Division, Sandy speaking." "I've got a suc...er... client on the phone where we can get a two-fer. You have time to sit in? "Sure." "Hello. Thank you for holding. I have Sandy from our Wrath division and he's going be able to help your issue.  "Bertha tells me you were stuffed with stuffing and cranberry sauce and you want revenge how? To stuff her? Hmmm... Let me pull the records....Oh, my. Lot's of lust and envy there. It looks like she did  this to snag your husband. Oh, you say they have been having ...

 In the Dallas Call Center.  Rrriinng. Good Morning and thank you for choosing Devil's Quill, my name is Solomon. How may I help you? No, I'm not THAT on. I'm a Bookie who didn't make the cut, Lucky me. What's that? Your husband is a chronic gambler who lost the house in a poker game? Yes, I am a specialist in that, let me look up the records. Oh, my. Two kids? And you were in the hospital when it happened?  I would have broken his legs before I let him place that bet when I was topside, the Cad. We need to get you back to the Green green grass of home, don't we? Let me look at the Rabbit's Foot menu first. We have an Insurance program that would return most of your equity, but it would require some...hard action against your husband. Yes. That kind of action. Honestly, Ma'am, it doesn't appear like he's much of a father right now, does it? I understand your need for a second opinion, let me recommend a colleague of mine at the Guardian Angel age...

Rrrring Willkomen, Bienvenue and Welcome . This is Devil’s Quill Communications, the finest in Human Quality Control. My name is M.C. How may I help you? Oh, you like the Caberet reference, Mr. Bowles? I’m so glad. Yes, I have your records on my screen now. It says your wife is named Sally and she left you for a writer. We have our sources, Sir. Did we make disease and can we transfer it to Sally? I’m afraid not, Sir. This is intake and we don’t handle those types of requests. If you like, I can transfer you to our Get Even division when we finish. Maybe they could make her a Stripper or something. Cross checking her records, she would make a good show. You want to join our organization as a Convincer? We don’t get direct requests like this often. How did you hear about us? Oh, yes. Jim Baaker IS one of our best sponsors. I’m so glad for the feedback. Yes, it was sad about Tammy Faye, but she got the promotion she was looking for. Back to your original request, may I as...

In a nondescript office outside Minneapolis.... Rrrrrrnggg! Good evening and thanks for choosing Devil’s Quill. My name is Nimrod. How may I help you? Your neighbor bought a new car and you are jealous? Yes, Sir, we have a number of petty revenge options, but may I ask why you are so upset about a car? Oh...I see. He invited your wife to ride, but not you...and you saw them get out a motel and you couldn’t resist looking in the window?... Acting like monkeys?... I see...I understand you are upset and want payback. But may I ask why you using our petty division and not one the stronger menus? Oh, the price. Yes, your immortal soul does sound rather dear. You are in luck, we have a name your price option for every one of our services. For example, we can raid their trysts with a gloomy conga of glum looking beauties , so ugly it will turn off the horniest of people... Then we have the “touch of grey” options that turns the couple old before their eyes. What’s that? you wan...

Rrrnnng. Rrrnnng. Good Evening. Welcome to Devil’s Quill Communications. My name Agent Harpy, how may I be of service?   Your competitor is gaining too much ground and is an all around jerk? Yes, Sir, we handle ego problems through our “Because, I Am” division. They have programs to inflate and then explode the most stubborn of spirits. We believe that self praise shouldn't be a recommendation for someone. What is your competitors’ line of work…Professional online gaming? I’ll need to check, he may already be a client of ours, his name? The Pierced Clown? Yes, we have an account. In fact he is one of our employees, in our Game of Life Online division.He has handled our Quality Assurance since the days of Job. Every stud and ring represents people of have complained or mocked his unfair ways. Sir? Oh, don’t bother hanging up, Sir. We already have your address and he will be by to see you shortly.  Have a warm day. Click.   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~...