The Weekly Status Meeting (Blogophilia 1.13)
In the 13th Floor executive conference room in Arlington VA, Richard Nixon and the top operations directors of Devil’s Quill Communications are having their weekly status meeting. It’s been a busy week.
Nixon: Hello, Everybody. We got a bunch of stuff to cover today, so settle down. Let’s start with Sandy Wrath. How are the various conflicts going?
Wrath: Not bad, really. We have a baker's dozen things going. We’ve been working on that crazy Kim guy hoping he’ll light up that part of the world. He tries, but people keep ignoring him. We did manage to trip off a good battle with the Cow Folks this week. It had been a while since we got that pot boiling. Simple misunderstandings are always the best method in my experience. Marty, were you able to use any of their tramplings?
Marty Mammon: A few. The problem with that group is they are mostly Esau’s Children and they can’t agree on anything, including demonic authority.
Wrath: “It’s why they can never get their act together to take over. DQ has used this to our advantage for millennia. How else do we keep this place warm?
Nixon: While we are at you, Marty, how are the new QA scripts working?
Mammon: Swimmingly, if I must say. As you know, we deployed a new Plague, code name Lucky Number 13, that is exceeding all expectations. It’s one Maker Industries built some time ago but had a hard time making work. They called us in for a consultation. I handed it to Don Draper and he made progress, but it wasn’t quite there. We ended up talking to one of our contacts topside, Zuckerberg, who advised us not to worry so much about actual lethality. All you had to do was give the illusion of death and destruction and people would run for the hills.
Nixon: And he was right?
Mammon: Best advice we ever got from a Topsider, and that includes the guy who recommended Hitler. It’s been utter chaos up there. The Mortals think Maker has started the 144K project for real and they are showing their true nature, selling their goods and heading for the hills. All their puffed up value vanished in a heartbeat. And all because of a little virus threat. I’m proud of Zuck. He’s going to go far when he gets down here. Oh, and that idiot con man you managed to put in charge is playing right along. If we keep this up, Sandy over there will be busier than ever.
Nixon: I certain Beezelbub will be happy to hear that. On another note, I understand you have a new assistant?
Mammon: Yeah, I’m trying this guy out. Came in with the moniker “Another Government Employee”. He has a snarky, “who cares” attitude to pretty much everything. His background is mostly in accounting, with a side in hope-raising. You know the type, cooking books, cheating employees, and hiding assets, that sort of thing. Except he wasn’t good at it. He was better at joke writing and acting. Some time ago, I realized he had a disgusted attitude towards Topside’s games I wanted to take advantage of.
Nixon: So, what is his first assignment?
Mammon: I’ve put him in charge of the social media campaign for Lucky Number 13, placing troll posts and whatnot. He’s got a bit of range online. His history includes a twelve-year association with a group called “Blogophilia', telling tall tales about death angels and disgruntled bombers. Looking at the record, he's got 600 or so entries with this group, including a series on DQ itself. I have to admit he’s told our story well, especially Mr. Beezelbub’s. It was almost like he had interviewed Ol’ Luke himself.
Nixon: Getting cheeky in our old age, are we?
Mammon: Oh, No. I wouldn’t dream of it… Right. Nah. Beezelbub has thicker skin than all of us combined. You don’t get to his position without it.
Nixon: True... OK, Rachel. How about the Lust program? All the maintenance up to date?
Rachel Jezebel: Of course, Dick. You do know your name is the yoke we depend on?
Nixon: I’m aware. But that’s not what I’m after. How are things in the Lust realm?
Rachel: Just peachy. The rubes don’t know which way is up. You have some that don’t even know what sex they are, much less how to have sex with anyone else. Who was it that described it as a whirlwind?
Nixon: Dante
Rachel: Yes, indeed. I’ve got them rubbing on rabbits’ feet and wondering if having a black cat is the problem. Maker’s goal when they handed us the project was to thin out the herd. All of those fair houses falling into decay...I love it. And Marty’s new script only accelerates the separation.
Nixon: Excellent. I love dirty tricks. Anyway, rumor has it the 144K project is back on hold. Apparently, Maker needs to do some renovations on his side to get ready and how long that is going to take is unclear. What is clear is Maker has had enough of Mortals and is ready for the Dolphins take over. But I’m still betting on the cockroaches to win. Even we can’t do anything with them.
That’s all I have. Let’s keep going with that new script and I’ll let you know if anything changes. Now, go back to work.
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Wow, 13 years. I came in early in season 2 at the invitation of the late Spidey John, who I met in the Group Blogging Experience. With one notable exception, I have submitted an entry every week since. Phone a few in. Recycled a couple of others.
I’m based in Atlanta, where I have lived most of my life. I am married with two adult children who have not been tamed by Significant Others. I spent 25 years in State Government, trying to make sense out of budgets and employees, failing miserably at both. Now, I consult with companies on various HR and Benefits issues and put out semi-readable flash fiction.
Pic guesses: Field of green, lucky (in blog), four-leaf, variegated, cover crop,
It has been a long strange trip for sure
ReplyDeleteNicely done!
ReplyDeleteDolphins seem friendly, I don't think they have the opposable thumb though. Never reach the top of the food chain without it. Ha Great piece. -Dave Schrader
ReplyDeleteBut they work as a team to kill sharks, so there is that.
DeleteWe thank you for this. 13 points Earthling - Martien
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sir. Always happy to be of service.
Delete(I just wish I didn't have to pull stuff from current events)
very nicely done. gave me quite a few chuckles :)
ReplyDeleteWow, this was the perfect week for a Devil's Quill piece! Cooking books and hiding assets, were ya? LOL I love this series. Snarky at its very best!! Colleen
ReplyDeleteOf course...it WAS the government, after all.
DeleteGreat way (unfortunately) to pull this group out again. Enjoyed reading it. Can't believe it's been thirteen years!
ReplyDeleteYeah. DQ is a "fun" company. I really need to a Guardian Angel piece to offset it.
Delete