Tuesday, June 26, 2018

I Always Wanted to Be in a Elmore Leonard Novel (Blogophilia 17.11)

It was raining in Pretentious Acres.
Yeah, I know. You aren't supposed to start a story with a weather report. So sue me.
It could be worse. I could be this is where the murder's began. But they don't. It's just a run of the mill adultery investigation. I’m an ex-cop and current private eye sitting in an oak tree across the street from my target, playing Peeping Tom with the woman in the window. Maybe I won't get washed away in the process.
My scene is a standard five-four-and-a door with a brick colonial at the end of a cul-de-sac. You know, the Great American Dream planted like so much seed crop. A single tree in the front matches with a privacy fence in the back. Even the black Audi pulling into the driveway fits. According to my client, it also comes Maria the wife and two teen aged daughters, both of whom are both Counselors at a summer camp upstate.
My client thinks his Maria is having fun. So, how do you solve a problem like Maria? you hire me to hang the dirty laundry for all to see. The usual result is everybody gets to play 52 pick-up for the rest of their lives. But as long as I get paid, that isn't my problem. I advise him to be cool and I'd take care of everything.
And the star is nice to look at. In an off the shoulder sundress, she's nice enough to make you miss the 3:10 to Yuma, if you know what I mean.
The fella coming out of the Audi certainly does. Mr. Majestik was dressed in an open collar shirt with contrasting slacks. He looks like the Cad from Central Casting. The table is nicely set, with candles and good food and rum punch for dessert. A fitting overture for a private sonata. It appears my client's fear is justified.
The camera motor whirs in my ear as I capture the scene.
This could be a set from any number of shows, both comedy and tragedy. Chitchat over salad. Smiles and knowing looks combine with rare steak and calimari. Each little bite adds to the crescendo. The only question is will they pull the curtain on the climax? Or will the view up in Honey's Room be unobstructed?
As I think about moving closer for a better view, a set of headlights come barreling down the street. Slipping down in the seat, I see a familiar Mercedes pull into the drive. Strangely, my client takes his time getting out. He opens the front door just as Audi and Maria begin their dance. I drop to the ground and head toward the house.
As I cross over the curb, the view through the window is how you would expect. Everyone is pointing at the others. The faint sounds of cursing come through the window. But something strange happens. My client gets shorty and plants a huge kiss on his lips. Then they both reach out and pull Maria into their grasp. Every weird fantasy I ever had, all in front of me.
I dutifully record it all.
Freaky Deaky...indeed.
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Pic Guesses: Graffiti, calamari (in blog), Surprised, Bedtime story, Wide eyed, Wonderland.

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