The Ultimate Winter Holiday (Blogophilia 27.16)

 

In a basement boiler room in Kissimmee FL


Rrrinng

Good day and thank you for contacting Hot Seasonz. The Travel division of Devils' Quill Communications. I'm Ash, how may I help you? The wife wants a baby and you want her to shut up? Before I make suggestions, may I ask why a baby would be a problem? She's a drunk and would drop it off your 40-story balcony? Why, Mr. Clap... 

I'm sorry. I had thought you were someone else. May I have the name? Uh, huh. Yes, we have a file on her. Oh, my. You must be begging to get on with Guardian Angels Group with this record. How do you do it? Well, yes, Lust IS a powerful pull, but even us demons want back on the chain gang now and then.

Will this be a solo trip, are you a glutton for punishment? Solo? Fine. I see you live in Miami, would she like someplace cold? We do have the "Hell Freezes Over" tour, which begins with a flight to Detroit in January where she will board a specially equipped snow barge to travel down the River and out into Lake Erie, where she will spend the evening in the frozen port of Put-in-Bay with will be covered in lake effect. The next morning a ferry will then take her to downtown Toledo where she will board a coach bus filled with screaming toddlers for the thrilling ride to our firm's favorite location, Hell MI, which is guaranteed to be frozen over. By the time we are finished, she won't have any desire to reproduce. Excuse me? No, we don't think the barge will tip over in a gale, but we have been wrong before. 

We also have the Terminal Timeshare program where your spouse is trapped in Disney World between the Teacup Chase and It's a Small World. We can do this with or without the Toddler Option. This will nauseate her to the point where she can't stand up. The cost for either package is the same, chronic illness lasting until you join us down here. 

What's that? Guardian Angels is offering only mental peace for the same services?  We might be able to beat that price. Let me talk to my manager and we will be back in touch. 

Click




Comments

  1. BlogophiliaDecember 19, 2024 at 10:53 PM

    HAWT DAMN!!!!! Hot Seasonz! This is wicked good, you had me snickering with your devilicious, delightful travel options. KUDOS and an ice cold beer, Dear Earthling!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousDecember 20, 2024 at 1:42 PM

    My goodness what a great write… hmmm till hell freezes over eh? 😉

    ReplyDelete

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